Hmm, Just wondering

They always say that if the New Years meets your house a wreck then it will me a wreck for the whole year so if the New Years meets me fasting will I be fasting for the whole year? I wonder. I might be fasting come December 31st and January 1st.

No school. Whoot!! Me time.

Alright school has broken for holiday. i'm so glad. I have about two weeks to make a dress and two weeks to lose 20 or more pounds. I'm going to work really hard. i cant maintain this weight any longer.

Noticeably Fat

Geez. I'm noticeably fatter. So I have two moredays until my great weightloss adventure. Funny thin is it is going to be freezing in these up coming days and weeks. I can deal though. I will be making and eating lots of soup and drinking lots of green tea and black coffee. Two best drinks for weightloss ever. Oh I will also drink over 3 litres of water daily and will need to do a minimum of 2 hours and a maximum of 4 hours of exercise daily. I can do that. I will be beautiful. I will be loved by all. I could do everything I'm afraid to do now. Everything. I'll be so beautiful, everyone will want me, everyone will love me, though, no one will have me. I would never allow that. I could never allow that. I'd loved to be had though, by someone who truly cares, mais c'est la vie.

Thinspo of the Day:

New Laptop

I'm very pleased with my new laptop. It's very nice. My mommy bought it for me. But I'm still as fat as ever. So next week probably Monday, I will start my diet with a beautiful fast. Fast and exercise. Right now. I'm about 200 pounds so I have to start right after Ren Faire on my weightloss-scapade. It's super annoying how I've gained so much weight in such a short time. So I will have to exercise nonstop to get it back off. I will. I will try to lose about 10-20 pounds next week. I have to lose 90 pounds. I want to do that before I graduate school. So I have less than six months. 90-100 pounds in 5-6 months is totally do able.

Thinspo of the Day:

Dizzy Spells

My God, I've been having dizzy spells. It's really sad now. I'm not loosing weigjht and I've barely stopped eating and I'm barely exercising and I've already got dizzy spells. I need to go exercise. Really badly. I only did half an hour so far. But I've eaten an estimated 1200kcal. Maybe it's too much food that's made me dizzy I need to go exercise.

Thinspo of the day:

You call this progress?

183.8 I'm not making much progress. I have done an hour of belly dance and 15 minutes of Hatha yoga. I'm going to do another 30mins of dancing and another 15 of yoga. I ate 1355.7 kcalories, but will burn 656.7 kcal. So let me go destroy this bubbling fat.
I'm working a lot on getting scholarships and grants for school. It's a lot of hard work. My life is so close to starting and its seemingly harder everyday.

Thinspo of the day:

Maintaining

Bleh still 194.4lbs. I'm sick of this I need to up my exercise to 2 hours. I've been belly dancing usually for either an hour or and hour and thirty minutes. I really have to worry about college right now. So weightloss and college most important aspect of my life. Two things that are scary and difficult, but I will prevail. I always prevail!

Thinspo of the day:

hw: 230
lw: 140
cw: 194.4
gw1: 180 (10152010)
gw2: 165 (10222010)
gw3: 145 (10292010)
gw4: 120 (11052010)
gw5: 115 (11122010)
gw6: 110 (11192010)
gw7: 105 (11262010)
ugw: 100 (12032010)

Weightloss???

As of right now no. I'm maintaining. I have been 195.4 for the past few days. So, I decided to write out what I had been eating and I have been eating under 1200. So I decided to exercise. I'm doing Hatha yoga and bellydancing. I'm probably going to start walking again and I want to swim, but winter is coming so it will be difficult. Yesterday, I ate 630 kcal so I only did 15 minutes of yoga. Today, I ate 1120 kcal so I did an hour of belly dancing. Yesterday I burned only 43.35 kcal. So really it was like I consumed 586.25 and today I burned only 380 kcal so it was like I consumed 740 kcal. I'm doing okay. I just need to up my exercise and probably lower my kilocalorie intake to 650kcal because under 600kcal is starving.
I am sorta writing my book as time goes by the book is just a little love novelette that is taking me an eternity to write. i have a chapter. I have been writing for approximately two years now. I just decided it was time to finish so I stopped focusing on school even though I need scholarships, grants, loans, get a job, and to apply for a uiniversity. Oh i also need to register to vote. I'm going to miss voting in this next election.

Thinspo of the day:

Bleh

I stopped the Dukan Diet. It made me gain weight. I ballooned up to 197.3. Once i stopped I went back to 194.4. The stupid diet also gave me acid reflux. I didn;t even start the diet. That was from just two days in the attack phase. It doesn't matter though. I will lose weight the proper way. Tons of exercise and minimal food. Alrighty know i'm going to get out of here. Even though my stomach is killing me. I think it's trying to process all that animal flesh. Bleh.

Thinspo of the day:

Cogito Ergo Sum

So our store was not called Dans la Rue. We changed it to Regle de la majorite or Majority Rule. First item poset looks decent sort of consevative I guess.


make custom gifts at Zazzle

Loss, but not by much.

Alrighty. I am slowly making progress. I am 192.2 pounds right now. Well not right now I ate a bit of sweet potatoes and some cereal. I also drank some water. I have to clean my room and do my homework so I'm not going to be on here for forever. I can honestly say i've been having good days and bad days. Today I haven't exercised. Yesterday I exercised for 90 minutes which is bare minimum. 240 minutes of exercise is where it's at. Whoot! 12.2 pounds in seven days need to be lost. Anyway, stay slim. Be happy.

Thinspo of the day:

So I donated blood the other day and I was going to start my diet today, but I decided starting a diet would be good for a Thursday. Something about Thursdays seem like better diet days. So I have to lose around 90 to 100 pounds. Yeah, ninety to one-hundred pounds. It's a lot. A lot. A lot. I'm going to try to be a size zero by graduation. I have about six months or less. I would have to lose 15 to 20lbs a month. 4-5lbs a week. I could try and do it faster. It would be fun. I don't know. We'll see how it goes. I'll be posting often. I want to be making my goals soon and precisely.
Start date: September 16, 2010 End date: Never. How could it end?
Thinspo of the day:

hw: 230
lw: 140
cw: 193.4
gw1: 180 (09232010)
gw2: 165 (09302010)
gw3: 145 (10072010)
gw4: 120 (10142010)
gw5: 115 (10212010)
gw6: 110 (10282010)
gw7: 105 (11042010)
ugw: 100 (11112010)

My Birthday!!!

Today was my birthday i gained so much weight. I feel good and awful. Good because I'm finally eighteen. Awful because I've let myself go. Well. Anyway after this I will probably go on a diet, So all in all. Today was good.

So...

Well, I really need a job now. really. I. yeah. I'm sorta a loser right now. Well, I'm not losing weight actually. I'm eating too much and exercising too little. I feel like a tool. Right now i can't even think of something interesting or smart to say. I just know, I need to find something to do and get myself in order. Oh yeah, I finished that summer work I just need to finish my online class and probably take another one too. Who knows?

Thinspo of the day:




I want one of these.
A condom purse by paintingstars!!! I know its so 2007 but I like a little retro-safe sex promotion.

Before my Summer Ends...

Before my summer ends I need to do a bunch of work: read Naked Economics: Undresssing the Dismal Science by Wheelan, read The Thirteen Aerican Arguments by Howard Fineman, and review 25 court cases. I have read the first book, part of the second and reviewed no court cases. Darn it. I have today, tomorrow, and Sunday. My family wants to go to the ech on Sunday. So I have today and tomorrow. I don't know if I can do 25 court case reviews today and tomorrow, but with diligence and hard work, I'm going to try a focus. So here goes...

Weight:
Well right now I'm not sure if the lying scale is still lying or telling me the truth but it claims I weigh 140lbs apprx. 63.63kg. So I dont know if I should believe it or what, but what I do know is, I need a job.

Thinspo of the day:

Yum yum! Still fat, but loving what I'm eating.

I made crêpes today for breakfast. It was so good. I had fresh fruits and made a jam. I drank two cups of coffee with it. It was so great. For lunch I had half a cup of yogurt and 1.5 slices of toast and two cups of coffee. I'm drinking lots of water now because the caffeine is making me dizzy and hyper. So what can I say today has been so far a day. I went for my morning walk and I did one hundred crunches. So i need to do some more exercises, but what?
Thinspo of the day:

Food today. Pounds tomorrow.

I feel fat today I was supposed to be dieting but instead I cooked a lot and ate even more. I just wouldn't stop and now I feel awful. I'm really letting myself go. I wish i would have stopped. I feel super ill now. I'm super irritated to I think I might go turn on my ipod and dance for an hour or so. All the exercise I did was walking. Walking only does so much. I did weigh myself on the broken scale it said I was 150 pounds... still! I am having a hard time losing weight because everyday is a crazy binge struggle. I did do the BMI of my weight and height and I am over-weight. I am exactly on the threshold of over-weight if I lose a pound I'll be in the healthy normal range. I want to be better than the healthy normal range. I want to be THIN. That's what I want. I was watching a little bit of Coco avant Chanel (Coco Before Chanel). It was a very beautiful movie and I am so glad Coco came about because I don't know what I would do still in some of the things they were wearing back then. I liked some of the things, but Coco's style was just so beautiful. So Steph is going to her grandma's house due to problems at home. Stevie is hurting and in pain due to some slightly known circumstances.
Thinspo of the Day:

Fool Stop.

So yeah, it was my brother's birthday today and I ate like a fucking pig. ahaha. it's sorta funny having Steph read what I type out loud, but also fucking annoying. Shut up! I don't think she understands. I said it in plain English. Well, ... geez. she wont stop. full stop. fool stop. hahaha yeah. Well I got punched in the arm. Ow. I'm so fragile (said like from the movie A Christmas Story [he said it must be Italian]). There's a cig in a alcohol container in my room. I didn't drink it at all, but it's there. I don't drink. Drinking is for losers. I'm a winner. Don't do drugs! I need money. So yeah, i'm starting my smoothie diet. Yep Yep. I need to lose like 50 pounds. Round of applause for Steph for saying "So" pounds. Yea. I need money. I love everyone. I need a job and a good quality college education.

Rain Rain, GO AWAY!!! please...

Bleh, it's raining. I have to go to church and come home and do 4 assignments of my online class. It's sorta lame that i wated to the last minute to do them. I'm a lazy bum sometimes. I've been woking my but off on my pre-course work. I weigh I whopping 147lbs today. Yeah! So, today so far all I've had is well a peach plum crossbred fruit, heard it called a dino egg or some nonsense. I will probably boil an egg and eat a banana later. I don't know, we'll see. Anyway today's thinspo is well here goes.
Thinspo of the day:
(again not me. Do not own)

Smoke in Style

I took like an hour nap today. I haven't been working on my course work online now and upcoming and I haven't been exercising or dieting. I have been getting fatter and fatter. I have my senoir pictures on the 18th of this month and I look completely like shit. I have eleven (11) DAYS to look the best. So yeah. I'll start that. Anywho, Steph can't stand her family problems and may be leaving to live with her grandma. It sorta makes me sad because she's my bestie and I have just been allowed to hangout with her again and now it'll go back to how it was when we didn't get to hangout. *Sigh*. Eh bien, the coolest cigs right now... haha two years ago really...are Nat Sherman Fantasias. The sexiest way to kill yourself slowly. I honestly would like to get a pack. It would be so cool and make me feel better. I don't smoke... I just like the cigs.

http://www.natsherman.com/product-cigarette.cfm?CFID=794596&CFTOKEN=77ab220bb92d271d-4E1C213C-0148-623D-B40E1BC61CEFED73&jsessionid=5c30ea11a959cb0222497a6718281c15123b&productid=1121

Nous faisons semblant nous sommes original nous obtenir par la journée.

So yeah, if you haven't noticed I've been up since one. I looked at myself played on the computer, watched a bit of SKINS season 3, talked to Steph, and played on the comp some more. So yeah there's this old 1996 movie called When Friendship Kills, also known as A Secret Between Friends: A Moment of Truth Movie I sorta laughed when I read the film description. Not because it's a comedie oh non, but because it is the relationship I have with Steph. Both of us knows the other one has a slight eating problem, but neither of us will get help for ourselves or the other one. It's funny because we a so not original when it comes to how we live. I don't just mean Steph and me. I mean everyone who is alive today. Originality died years ago and no one can do anything that hasn't already been done or sing something that hasn't already been sung. We are a group of imitateurs, imitateurs amateurs. Sommes-nous imitateurs amateurs? Nous sommes imitateurs amateurs. How do we live this way? We pretend we are original to get us through the day. Nous faisons semblant nous sommes original nous obtenir par la journée.
Maigre est pour toujours. Maigre est pour toujours. Maigre nous est pour toujours. Thin is forever. We are forever thin or Thin us forever. Nous sommes pour toujours maigre would be we are forever thin... I think my french is no so good. I'm ugly and fat...I think. Dieting is the only way to combat this. So I will diet...and it will be good.
Thinspo of the day:
(Totally not me...wish it was though)

According to this...

According to this random quiz I found on "How French Are You?", I've finally lived long enough in France for other people to notice my existence! I got 91 points. Funny thing don't live in France, never have. I have been there though. I went to Calais, France from Dover, UK quand j'etais tres jeune. I didn't think I was that French though. I should be more British. According to this one The how French are you Test I am quasi -French. My Frenchiness level is 89!
You hate Bush. Pack your baggage and go to live in France where capitalism does not mean screw the poor and the sick, and where food means pleasure and girls like to be complimented. Your Analysis (Vertical line = Average)
You scored 89% on Frenchiness, higher than 97% of your peers.
So I was just thinking, if the way I act and regard the world makes me French then what in the world makes me a clutter bug, pack rat, scaredy cat, pefectionist, lover, dreamer, etc, etc, etc. i could go on forever?
Check out Zazzle find Steph and my store Dans la Rue!!!! Link will be posted at a later date when shop is full of merch.
http://www.allthetests.com/quiz07/dasquiztd.php3?testid=1071748384
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=477256038387505944

Geez, I'm so fat.

So right now I have this crappy little bathroom scale of the non-electronic type that is terminally broken, probably from my fat arse stading on it. At zero it says I weigh 140 pounds so I was like ok well its 20 pounds or so off. So I move the dial to 20. When I stand on it at 20 it moves itself to 40 adding forty pounds to my mystery weight shifting my weight to 180 through 170. Last time I properly weighed myself I was 160 pounds, now I try to get the scale to say that and I have been getting 150 to 140. So I'm confused I need a new scale that's all I know. oS, anyway I was bored and I randomly found an article on skinny French women. You can find it here:. They honestly think they are fat when they are not over weight, they should all live in America for a month, they wouldn't think that. Just look at the belle actrice Audrey Tautou. (I do not own this picture. Sole rights of whoever took it and posted it). Funny enough I think like those French women I will always think I'm fat no matter how skinny I get. It's a little sad actually. I'm like 1/8 percent French and compared to others you can definately tell just by my style and the way I carry myself. So that shows a lot. C'est bon, non? I think it is. Je le crois. I want the book "Fatale: How French Women Do It". I just want to see how French I really act.

iDozers Anyone?

So yeah I totally did the LSD (Acid) idoser for the first time. I don't think I felt anything. I'm like impervious to drugs or something. haha I don't know I've never done real LSD. Well, it was interesting after it was done. I just carried out my normal day like any other and I went swimming. Right as I got into the pool I noticed that I got super hot super fast. I was burning up. I was thinking OMG I just caught on fire. It was like all around my shoulders and my neck that was the hottest places. I got worried but I still had to go for my swim. I got in for maybe an hour and I felt sick to my stomach. I felt so sick thaqt I had to get out. When I got out I started vomitting. I just couldn't stop and when I thought it was over, I vomitted some more. It was bad, but now I feel a bit better I'm still awfully hot. I'll live. I'm in my bed. I'm watching my all time favorite movie The Dreamers. Beautiful plot, beautiful characters, beautiful craftmanship, it is truly a superb movie. Good night.

Friends Again.

Steph and I are friends again. We talked and I apologized for how I said what I said. I couldn't think of a good way to say it then, but I can explain what I want to say and it's not so bad. Really I felt like she was trying to lose weight for this guy and not to be healthy, so I was trying to help her understand that, yea I'm healthy, but guys don't even think about my feelings or most other things unless they are getting me into bed by doing so, but for her guys are willing to get to know her even if they think she is fat and aren't attracted to her, now. So, I tried to say that as best as I could. I'm not one for trying to take years infront of the mirror to say something I either say it or don't (so yes, it leaves me with a lot of things unsaid but hey, I'm okay). Anywho. We're friends I have to work on filtering the things I say because well. I guess it's something I should do. Say "no" when I mean "yes". "Yes" when I mean "no". Smile when I'm sad and smile when I'm happy. Or maybe I should continue to use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion...

This morn.

So according to my scale I have lost 5 pounds, which is increasingly funny because I have been constantly eating. Just a couple of hours ago my mom was upset with me because I was eating an icecream sandwich for breakfast. I know. I know. I can't do this to myself. It's bad for my health and all. But hey I do what I want, when it comes to my health anyway. My parents are thinking about getting me a car by Christmas if they can afford it. I hope they can. So i can get out of here and do stuff. Anyway. I hope I finish my course work. Soon. School is about to start and I need to finish this summer work and lose some weight.

SW: 160lbs
CW: 155lbs
GW1:150lbs
GW2:145
GW3:130
GW4:125
GW5:110
UGW:100

Don't Talk to Me!

Okay, Steph and I are not talking. Immediately I have this feeling of I'm sorry what I said was true, but I would not be your bestfriend if I lied to you. But then again, maybe she prefers people who lie to her. I envy her and she envies me. What more can I say. She told me what I said came off "shallow" her wannabe boyfriend told her he would never be attracted to her because she is fat. I make one little mention of her size and this is what I get. "That's life - that's what all the people say. You're riding high in April, shot down in May." -Frank Sinatra. We don't need to be friends anyway. I gave her an eating disorder. She saw mine and wanted one and I let her take it. She thinks we are going to live together forever. And that is when it dawned on me. We have totally different wants and needs. I know that if we stay together neither of us will grow. We just won't. Everything will stay the same. We will make plan after plan and never follow through. She would constantly complain of her size and being lonely. She expects to be my size without work or effort. It's like she believes she deserves it. I had to work hard to get to where I am. She expects it by doing nothing. I am glad I made her feel like shit, because maybe she will open her eyes and see what I see. I see someone who refuses to grow up. Someone who needs their hand held. I'm sorry. I'm not going to be the one holding her hand - she will never grow - and she will inhibite my personal growth. I just can't do that. I want a life. I want a life outside of this - this shit - and she just wallows in self-pity. It's depressing. I am happy she doesn't want to talk to me. She is careless about my feelings and my dreams anyway. She talks as if she is willing to carry out plans that she makes or we make, but makes no actual effort to do so. I do everything. I bring all of me to the table and she brings bits and pieces. She has the audacity to think I'm shallow, but she can't look at herself, maybe she knows what she's doing and doesn't care. I care. I've always cared and that's what has me so sick and tired all of the time. I need to start taking care of myself. I think I'm doing what's right - not just for me - for the both of us. I'm doing what's right. Right?

What does it matter?

So yeah. I think Steph is pissed with me. I know running to me one day and pissed with me the next. Okay I will admit what I said was just a little mean and inconsiderate, but I couldn't help it. It's something true. I told her guys look at me and think, "oh, cute. Let me fuck her." but when guys look at her they think, "Oh she looks nice." All I told her was that guys don't immediately think of banging her like they do to me. I really want guys to look at me and want to get to know me like she has, but she doesn't understand that. She thinks that being thin will make her happy. I'm not that small and I'm not happy. So yeah. What does it matter? I did have an interesting conversation with this guy named Caden on facebook. We had a very good and interesting conversation. It was like philosophical. He asked a question I gave my feelings on the subject he gave his. I asked a question and we did this for like an hour or two. It was lovely. I enjoyed every second. What does it matter though?

Hmm. SOOOooo... yeah. wow. WTF just happened?

So yeah. I was totally having a good night with my best friend, Steph, swimming, listening to music, chatting, and being drug free and then next thing I know she is knocking on my bedroom window. When I go outside she is panting and crying and I'm like, dude wtf happened. So I told her to calm down and breathe. My younger sister was out with me and Steph told me her family (really and truly her dad and this really crazy spanish lady who is living with them right now) were going to call the cops on her and matty. I was like ok so he told you to "stab the cunt" that is not a direct threat and that doesn't make you an accomplice to anything like the crazy spanish lady claimed. Now. Hold up. Wait a minute. Rewind. Why did Matty comment for Steph to "stab" this psycho. Well it all started with a little post on Facebook - a favorite networking site for most. Steph posted that this lady has been calling her a bitch and a cunt. I can attest to this. Honestly, everytime I go over she is calling everyone a bitch, cunt, whore, making threats over the phone to others about "them"(people she doesn't like or don't do what she says), and using her favorite spanish word "puta" which translates to bitch if my knowledge of slang spanish is still intact. This lady talks bad about everyone. I went over there and she didn't know I was there and she was like "I'm nobody's 'nigger'" excuse my language. Now, I am black if you didn't notice by my picture and I am nobody's "nigger" either and I don't care which way you twist it no one, absolutely no one should be using that kind of language to a child or about a child or anything. No one should be talking bad calling anyone fat, stupid, lazy, whore, bitch or a c u next tuesday. Really. No one. It is rude and it is totally uncalled for. Now I know for a fact that Steph is fed up with this crazy lady imposing on her already messy family. I think this lady honestly feels she is doing some good, when in reality she is further dividing that family. Steph told me she didn't even feel able to call them family and I joked "It's okay. It's like I told you, I am your family. I'll help you through anything." I told Steph to get a restraining order and sue for verbal and mental abuse, because yeah my best friend in the whole world is turning to bulimia to deal with her problems -not good, not good at all. I am an almost recovered bulimic going into remission lately now and I do not want to see my friend hurt by this illness. I want the best for her. I always have. I always will. All in all, I hate seeing people I love cry. It kills me inside to see people I love with all my heart hurting. I can't stand it. I would do anything within reason to help the people I love. I just would no questions asked.

Oh yeah a random funny thing she told me was: You can see my bedroom light on from down the street. I was thinking wow coming to me to help with problems and there down this dark, damp street was my bedroom light, shining beacon of hope.
Goodmorning/Goodnight.

Nice to meet you, I'm Andie.

Alrighty then, I'm Andie. Not formally know as Andie, but known as Andie nonetheless. I'm cool according to my friend, Steph, I have a severe eating problem. It's not my fault that I'm a finiky eater and I don't have any problems whatsoever. I'm just a kid -- just a normal average half-american, half-british teen. I think to much and I'm sorta lame at times, but I can be fun loads of fun when I want to be. So yeah. I'm seventeen. I'm turning 18. I know. I'll be old. So yeah. This is my story.