Don't Talk to Me!

Okay, Steph and I are not talking. Immediately I have this feeling of I'm sorry what I said was true, but I would not be your bestfriend if I lied to you. But then again, maybe she prefers people who lie to her. I envy her and she envies me. What more can I say. She told me what I said came off "shallow" her wannabe boyfriend told her he would never be attracted to her because she is fat. I make one little mention of her size and this is what I get. "That's life - that's what all the people say. You're riding high in April, shot down in May." -Frank Sinatra. We don't need to be friends anyway. I gave her an eating disorder. She saw mine and wanted one and I let her take it. She thinks we are going to live together forever. And that is when it dawned on me. We have totally different wants and needs. I know that if we stay together neither of us will grow. We just won't. Everything will stay the same. We will make plan after plan and never follow through. She would constantly complain of her size and being lonely. She expects to be my size without work or effort. It's like she believes she deserves it. I had to work hard to get to where I am. She expects it by doing nothing. I am glad I made her feel like shit, because maybe she will open her eyes and see what I see. I see someone who refuses to grow up. Someone who needs their hand held. I'm sorry. I'm not going to be the one holding her hand - she will never grow - and she will inhibite my personal growth. I just can't do that. I want a life. I want a life outside of this - this shit - and she just wallows in self-pity. It's depressing. I am happy she doesn't want to talk to me. She is careless about my feelings and my dreams anyway. She talks as if she is willing to carry out plans that she makes or we make, but makes no actual effort to do so. I do everything. I bring all of me to the table and she brings bits and pieces. She has the audacity to think I'm shallow, but she can't look at herself, maybe she knows what she's doing and doesn't care. I care. I've always cared and that's what has me so sick and tired all of the time. I need to start taking care of myself. I think I'm doing what's right - not just for me - for the both of us. I'm doing what's right. Right?